March 16, 2005
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I’ve felt it on my heart to post something about premarital sex for some time now, and coincidentally [or more like God's divine timing], Scott wrote something about it, so I’m going to piggyback on his post. Not only is this world being consumed by non-marital sex [whether it be premarital or adultery], the reality is that today’s CHURCH is filled with people having premarital sex – it is a major stronghold. This post is definitely not to judge or condemn all those who are|were involved. Of course we ALL have shortcomings and sins in our lives. If you are currently in a sexually active relationship, I URGE you to get out! I say this for your sake. It seems that Satan is winning every time I see or hear about a couple who falls into his trap. There are some bogus theories out there:
- “I need to try out different people b/c what if my husband|wife is not good in bed?” If you only have sex with your husband or wife, they will be DANG good in bed b/c you won’t know otherwise. And plus, God blesses purity!
- “We’re engaged so it’s okay since we know we’re going to get married.” Nuh uh – it is NOT okay. Until the couple is at the altar saying ‘I do’, they are not officially united. Also, there are times where engagements are broken.
- “I love him|her and we plan to get married in the future.” See one above.
- ”Oral sex is okay.” Hecks no it isn’t – it still includes the word ‘sex’, doesn’t it? The only person that should see your private parts is your husband|wife [except your parents when you were younger].
- “We’ve already done it, so it’s too late to stop.” No it isn’t – it’s never too late. Stop now! Habitual sin causes us to feel distanced from God. Not b/c God’s not there – He’s always there.
This chart below makes me sad. What’s sadder is that I’m sure the percentages have gone up since this 1995 study.
Age at First Intercourse (NCHS, 1995)
Males
Females
27% by age 15
25% by age 15
45% by age 16
39% by age 16
59% by age 17
52 % by age 17
69% by age 18
65% by age 18
85% by age 19
77% by age 19
Maybe some of you don’t want to hear this b/c you’re in denial of the wrongness, but open your eyes to the truth. If you can’t believe my words, believe God’s . . .
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:16-21
Some practical things I would strongly recommend for anyone in a relationship:
1. Have at least one person that can keep you accountable with whom you can be honest with.
2. Set STRICT physical boundaries – i.e. don’t be naive and think that you can lay on a bed together alone or go as far as you can without going all the way – Satan tempts every chance he gets!
3. Have a guideline not to do anything behind closed doors that you wouldn’t do in public.
4. Be very cautious of what you take in – tv shows, movies, music, books, magazines, books, etc. People say that it doesn’t really affect them, but it does in subtle ways. “Garbage in, garbage out”
5. Ask the Holy Spirit to increase your self-control.
Gosh, I could go on and on – I have so much to say, but I’ll just end with my final thought:
When intimacy is not within God’s will, sooner or later there is pain, disappointment, and repercussions. When intimacy is within God’s will, it is an AMAZINGLY beautiful thing.
Comments (20)
I just took my final for my communications class where i protested in front of red square that more federal funds should be allocated for the abtinence-only education in high school. Talk about timing! Thanks for sharing that Grace
Don’t take this the wrong way because it’s not intented to refute anything you’ve said. I just like to be thorough and cover all points. I agree that people are letting go of themselves at a younger age. I also agree that people are becoming more loose about their sexuality. And I agree that sex can be a major stronghold. But I try to be practical about what’s causing people to give in. It’s one thing to take a strong stance, but sometimes a strong stance does nothing for the people you are standing up for. In the church, it’s usually assumed that the ”weaker” Christians fall into sin the easiest, but as we grow older and our friends grow older, we start to realize that it’s not true. The strong and the weak fall prey to sin just the same. Satan does not discriminate because of your spiritual commitment. In the past year, I’ve heard or known of 3-5 “committed” Christians getting pregnant before getting married. I’ve also heard or know of 3-5 nominal Christians also getting pregnant before marriage. Think of all of the pregnancies we never hear about because of abortion. I’ve heard of a few of those too. I think the problem with sex is that it’s one sin that loses it’s sinfulness after marriage. You can’t say the same about other sins: killing, stealing, lying, selfishness…etc. Sex is actually OK once you are married. It’s only “not OK” when you aren’t married. There’s a very fine line you walk when you are in a relationship because it’s so easy to think it’s okay because you are going to get married anyway. It’s just a matter of time before sex becomes OK. So the waiting is like Christmas day for little children. They can’t wait to open their presents. But when they open them early, it’s not the same as opening the presents Christmas morning.
I think the real problem is not that people think it’s okay to have sex before marriage. I think the real problem is that people aren’t willing to accept the responsibility of their decisions. People these days fear less. They accept less responsibility. Not just with sex, but in every aspect of life. People are lazy and apathetic about so many things. Why not sex? We need to show people to start caring again. To start taking responsibility for their own actions. Compare the Strong Christians vs. the Weak Christians. What separates them? One knows more about God and/or has a deeper relationship with Him than the weaker Christian. But what makes them commit the same sin? It’s not necessarily their relationship with God. It’s numerous other factors. Childhood, peer pressure, personality, psyche, upbringing, society, abuse, fear… No one is safe from sin. Not until we’ve all died and stand before God. Until then, we do our best to stay away from it. I think you made a lot of good points, but I’ll add by saying, more than the issue of sex, we need to be on guard against all forms of sin. It’s when you let your guard down, you become a victim. Regardless of our level of spirituality, we need to take responsibility for our own actions and be ready for face the consequences afterwards. Great post m-Sprite!
where in the bible does it specifically say “premarital sex” is wrong? our bible study was wondering
“When intimacy is not within God’s will, sooner or later there is pain, disappointment, and repercussions. When intimacy is within God’s will, it is an AMAZINGLY beautiful thing.” amen. this is a good post. people should read this.
Grace it took a lot of boldness to post this and I truly applaud you. This has and most likely always will be a subject that people are afraid to approach/talk about even with their closest friends. We all need sisters, brothers and friends in Christ to step out of that comfort zone and to stand up for what they believe. It reminds me of the Jackie Valesquez song ”I promise” everytime I hear that song… it till this day still honestly brings tears to my eyes.
LoL… Henry’s the only person that sounds like he’s arguing but really isn’t… :]
thats awesome grace. im talking about God’s grace being awesome.
hmm nice and interesting posting! what’s NCHS though?
have a beautiful week(end)!
Grace, you go girl… This very issue has been on my heart for a LONG time as well, especially in regards to young women and the gift of purity. I’m so glad you said something. I’ve been wanting to post something, but am still pondering over things… I’m really hard-nosed when it comes to the issue of purity, but am trying to balance that with the Grace of God. I think you did that well
i agree with the practical steps…GOOD STUFF! we just need more leaders who follow rather than just talk. all the youths look at us and say, it’s okay, they do it! or “i know they do it” in private! and picture and visualize…but we need Men and Women of God who walk the talk and live it out loud! we need more of them, SO that people will see the special beautiful act inside of what purity is all about. PURITY is the only way to differentiate/set us apart from the non-christians these days. studying 1john chapter 3:3…’everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is PURE.’
umm…i don’t think you know me, but you know many of my friends! and they speak highly of you and your husband Hun not just as good role models, but as good friends…i really am so glad that someone could talk about sex in christian views. honestly, i just realized this new year how common it is and when i found out that it was within the church too, i went into initial shock…a very long initial shock…a very very…ok, it was really long and i’m still working on it…but it was to a point where i had to talk to a bunch of close friends about it…
i think its silly to be sheltered from what is going on in the world today and premarital sex should not be an issue that christians just pretend doesn’t happen. I’m really touched and i feel a sense of relief that you brought this up and that other ppl can read this too. i’ve been afraid that if I ever brought it up on my xanga then ppl would be thinking i was a judging, legalistic christian. u don’t sound like it at all, and i’m glad God placed it in your heart to address this..Your post has made it clear that it is in HIS word that makes it plain and clear that we are to be holy for he is holy…to be pure…to make changes to be pure…i wish it was easier to understand that saving sex for marriage is not limiting/restricting ourselves but preparing ourselves for God’s wonderful blessing…i really feel this issue should be strongly addressed to young adults, becuas it is true what seung said…its happening even in youths…my goodness that makes me so sad and gives me all the more reason to continue to be that mean, overprotective older sister for my younger siblings…har har. jk. they love me i swear! thanks for posting this post! hope to meet you in person person sometime! =D
Grace, you are such a blessing! What you said here will help so many in the future. Daniel 12:3, a verse just for you… I hope this verse will encourage you to press on.
Me again.
So I thought about it some more and I thought of a good analogy. Sins are like weeds. If you cut a weed, it will grow back. Weeds are everywhere and they choke the life out of plants and grass…etc. In order to kill a weed, you need to kill it at the root. I think that’s what’s wrong with people these days. I think the focus is too much on the wrong problem. The problem isn’t that people aren’t good role models or that people aren’t holding to their purity. I’m not going to pretend that I know what the exact problem is, but to me, what I said earlier feels like it’s closer to the root of the problem. Someone commented that we need better role models in the church and stuff, but I don’t think that’s going to do the trick. It will help, but it won’t fix the problem. I don’t even think a 100 sermons on sexual impurity can fix the problem. As I said, so called “strong” christians fall to sexual impurity just like the “weaker” christians. It’s not that they don’t love God. It’s just that the sin is deeper than they know. We need to kill sin at the roots. Things like generational sins, sins of our past, sins of our partner’s past and their generational sins. Sin is everywhere but sometimes we are oblivious to it. Look at the “True Love Waits” campaign. I wonder how sucessful it was. And for those that made commitments and failed, I wonder what caused them to break their commitment. I’m sure some of them were very committed to God and had great roll models when they sinned. Not to mention, most Christians know it’s wrong to have sex before marriage so you aren’t telling them anything new. Anyway…I’m rambling now…but you get the point. Thanks for clarifying my earlier post consumedsoul. mspirite…you should post more often…great topic…great insight.
Grace- GOOD STUFF! =D
the percentages are staggering…
and that was a decade ago…
i have to agree with elice… those stats are now probably higher in the younger age[s]… anyways, really good words….
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=519&e=1&u=/ap/virginity_stds
amen to that sista
here’s my 2 cents….you can be married and have great sex (cause you “saved” it until marriage) and it’s great and all cause your experience will be ”the best” cause you’ve not been with anyone else. [good for you]…..but consider this….what if you have the best sex ever….. but their is no love in your marriage….or you have loved someone else other than your spouse….. what is more sacred. saving your “real” love for one person or saving your virginity for one person. sure..it will be odd having sex left and right and later in life ….finding the one you marry..and then running into someone whom you have had sex with…but would it not feel more odd if you were to run into someone whom you have loved up to or if not, more than your current spouse. hmmm? just a thought.
the reason sex is more sacred and should be done w/husband and wife is because of the underlining “love” behind it…not just high school fluff fluff love…but a love that is great enough to spend eternity w/someone ..and be willing to die for the other…(ummmm maybe not the die part)…but willing to share your life w/someone.
What’s the big deal? It’s just sex. and i kinda think that even sex within marriage can just as easily lead to pain, disappointment, and repercussions, too.
So, I wrote a response on my site. I know I’m not going to change anyone’s mind about this issue, so I’m not even going to try. But this is *totally* one of my favorite topics to talk about. Anyway, I’m curious to see how you respond.